5 Roadblocks That Will Prevent Us From Letting Go Of Our Affair Partner

Why can't I seem to move forward?

Do you ever feel like you are taking two steps forward only to feel like you hit a brick wall? Well, I sure have, and I discovered five roadblocks in recovery from your affair partner.

So what are roadblocks in recovery? I looked up the word roadblocks in the dictionary and I found two definitions. One is- something that blocks progress or prevents the accomplishment of an objective. The other is-a barricade often used with traps or mines. They both explain really well what a roadblock is but when it comes to affair recovery I love the second one. Because not only do you have to face these roadblocks but they also contain a hidden trap of the enemy to get you to return to your affair partner.

If you are a faith filled woman then you know that you have an enemy and his puporse is to steal, kill, and destroy your life and marriage. So when you decide to end the affair or want to fix your marriage he is not going to give up easily. That is why we face these trap filled roadblocks. But dont worry God does not leave us powerless. We have the power to overcome and bust through any hindrance to our recovery he may put up.

Now with that being said let us get into what the 5 roadblocks in recovery from your affair partner are.

5 Roadblocks in recovery from your affair partner

1. Hope of reuniting one day

We usually think of hope as a good thing. But when it comes to letting go of your affair partner, hope is a roadblock. And the reason for that is hope inspires us to keep moving towards our goal. It gives us the inner strength to hold on, no matter the cost or the obstacles we may face. That is why we cannot keep the hope that when the kids grow up or when he gets a divorce, he will come for me alive. By telling yourself this, you are holding onto a future that only exists in your mind and one that is preventing your heart from fully loving your spouse. What you want to do is put that hope in your recovery and the goals you have set for your life.

2. Fantasies

Oh, the days when I would daydream of our time together and wish we were still together. Gosh, the time I wasted on imagining what was and what could be. My children grew up before my eyes while I lived in a fantasy world. It's so important not to sit and dwell on the past where our affair partner is concerned. Because by doing this, we become stuck in the past, unable to live in the present. Walking around like zombies not truly in touch with what is happening around us; at least for me, that was the case. I found a great article about how fantasies can help us give in to the temptation to have an affair, and you can read that here. Fantasies also full the fire inside our hearts and keep us longing to reunite with our affair partner.

Fantasies will also keep dopamine flowing and our hearts attached and seeking our affair partner as a reward. Did you know that you do not have to see your affair partner in-person to start Dopamine (our reward feel-good chemical) flowing? And to truly break free from him, we need to stop this flow, or we will stay addicted. If you want to know how to break free from your affair partner and get over him, then join the waitlist for my new course. How to let go of your affair partner and get closure here.

3. Believing you will not love anyone like him or you will always love him

The problem with this is we believe everything we tell ourselves. Self-talk is very powerful in negative ways and positive ones. The truth is and a question you should ask yourself. Do I want to love my affair partner forever, or Do I want to love someone else? Often when we ask these questions or feel this way is because we are still in the grieving period. And during that period, it's hard to imagine our future without our affair partner much less think of being with someone else. We can feel like we are betraying our affair partner by thinking about loving someone else or holding onto the love we have for them is a form of keeping a piece of them with us in our hearts forever.

But whichever the case may be by doing this, we will keep a part of ourselves tied up with our AP. Unable to love fully and miss out on what the future may hold. The truth is our hearts were made to love again. Just think about all of the people who lost a spouse in one form or another, and they move on and find love and happiness with someone else. It is possible, but it's up to you. We have to learn to let go of our affair partners in our minds. So don't look too far in the future while grieving. Just take it one day at a time but keep making progress and one day you will realize you are ready to love again. I wrote a blog post on grieving the affair partner and you can read that here.

4. I need closure

I just need closure was my mantra. We keep seeking this perfect ending to my affair or for us to have that one last goodbye talk. But you know what that goodbye talk could open the door to keeping the affair going or starting it up again. The truth is the two of you shared a connection, and any kind of reuniting could spark the fire to start up again. I tried to end it with my AP but was like jello in his hands. I just didn't have the strength to walk away from him.

Seeking closure from your AP is a trap to reconnect with him. So I eventually learned that receiving closure from him was not an option. The closure comes from within, its something we can offer ourselves as a way of cutting the ties that bind us. If you would like to read more about closure, I wrote a blog post on it, and you can read that here.

5. Overly concerned with his life and if he is moving on

As long as we keep focusing on what he is doing, we will never be able to focus on our life and our recovery. When we stalk them on social media, we open our selves up for more pain. Because there is a silent communication going on between him, you and his wife. People post pictures on there to send a message. Usually, it says leaves my husband alone, he's mine, and we are happy. Images that portray this kind of message just bring pain to an already broken heart. Much like the saying, just twist the knife deeper. And our goal is to heal and move forward, but we can't do that if we focus too much time on what he is doing and if he is moving faster than we are.

Try to settle it in your mind that it doesn't matter who moves on first as long as you move on. You get one life, and I know you don't want to waste it by looking at his life. Live your life; you are worth it and deserve to be happy. And remember what we feed our mind grows the most. So if we keep feeding our mind with images of our affair partner and his wife the pain will grow but if we start looking at our life and family our heart will have a chance to heal.

In Conclusion

If you think about all that you read you will see a common thread. All of these roadblocks have to do with our mind. What we are thinking about the most will grow and influence our behavior. Our thoughts produce emotions and those emotions provoke behaviors and of course we have consequences for those behaviors. The real question is what outcome are you hopping for? Is it to fall back involve with your husband?

Or do you want the pain to stop and finally be completely healed? Maybe both, but the only way to reach these goals is to guard your thoughts. The Bible tells us that real transformation comes when we renew our minds. And one way to restore your mind is by not allowing yourself to think about things that you know will bring you pain or place you in front of the temptation to go back to your affair partner. We can choose to think and act on what the bible says. And God says let go of the past and press on towards the future. Proverbs 4:25 Let your eyes look straight ahead: fix your gaze directly in front of you. God created you for more and have a good plan for your life. He wants more for you than to live in pain and always searching for contentment.

It took me a long time to get to a place of contentment in my life and marriage. I was stubborn and wanted to hold onto my pain and affair partner; even if it was just in my mind, at least I still had our memories. But like I said earlier, I lost a lot by doing this, and I don't want that to happen to you. Your life is waiting!

If you are feeling alone and would like to join a tribe of women who offer support without judgement then join us in our Facebook group. Women with Scars. Also please feel free to email me with questions or if you just want to chat. I love hearing from ya'll